//
you're reading...
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS

THINGS VICTIMS AND SURVIVORS OF ABUSE DO NOT NEED TO HEAR


Forced to be silent

These are a few of the things many of us who were (or are presently) victimized by spousal/ intimate partner abuse or domestic violence, far too often have to hear:

“I know just how you feel.” (Do you really? How cavalier. I mean, what has caused you to feel the unbearable pain and hopelessness I carry deep within my soul every day?)

 

 

Prey praying

“Just pray.” (What in the world do you think I have been doing every day of my life?)

“Someday we will understand why all this had to happen.” (Had to happen? I was predestined to be abused? And how will we understand, pray tell? Do you have a corner on the market of “Victim Abuse Knowledge”?)

“Just hang in there. It will get better.” (How long am I supposed to ‘hang in there’? When will it get better?)

“You could just leave. Why don’t you just leave?” (Where do you propose I take my children and their dog? How will I afford to relocate? Why should I be the one to remove my family from their home when I am the victim? What about my job? How far will I get before he tracks me down?)

“He said he was sorry.” (Yes, you are right. He did – just like the 273 other times he said it – and then abused me again.)

“Why didn’t you call someone?” (Am I supposed to get my family involved in this? If he hit me, he is surely capable of taking a swing at my parent/brother/sister/pastor.)

“Well, when you married, your vows said, ‘For better or worse, ’til death do us part.’ God hates divorce.” (Did ’til death do us part mean he gets to be the cause of my death? And which does God hate more – divorce or this violence I am enduring?)

“You made your bed, now you have to lie in it.” (Thanks for the support and reassurance. Got any hemlock or arsenic I could consume?)

Do not ask us “why” or “how” or tell us “if” or “when.” (That’s like standing over a casket, looking down at your mother’s body and hearing somebody say, “They did a good job on her. She hasn’t looked that good in a long time.” It just doesn’t work.)

These are some of the words victims need to hear:

How can I help?

“How can I help?”

“I’ve never been through this personally, but I am here if you ever need to talk.”

“Let’s develop a code word. If you ever need help, use the code word and I will immediately call 911. It’s the least I can do.”[i]

“Here is the number for the Hotline,” or “Take this brochure I got from a local agency. They have all kinds of staff members who can help you.”

“Take a look at this site. It has lots of information to help.”[ii]

“Do you need a ride to get that injunction?”

“If you need a place to stay, let me know.”

“I love you, and I care.

 

And, especially, from another victim:

“I know, me  too.
Victim reaching out to victim

[i] U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

[ii]Visit Victim Support Page on Carolyn’s website: http://www.orangeblossomwishes.com/victim_support.htm

Related Articles

Advertisements

About Carolyn S. Hennecy

Carolyn S. Hennecy - a/k/a southern blonde traveling with sense of humor and a passion for cheesecake, known to be heard several times a day declaring, "JUST PEACHY!" Advocate for domestic violence awareness; member of Sexual Violence Task Force of Tampa Bay Speakers Bureau; spokesperson for American Heart Association; motivational and inspirational speaker; Author of ORANGE BLOSSOM WISHES: Child Molested, Woman Abused - Her Victorious Journey to Freedom (Carolyn's memoirs), she will be featured on the ABC Action News (WFTS Tampa) Emmy award winning primetime special "Taking Action Against Domestic Violence" scheduled to air Friday, October 14, 2011 at 8:00 p.m.

Discussion

6 thoughts on “THINGS VICTIMS AND SURVIVORS OF ABUSE DO NOT NEED TO HEAR

  1. I hope those who need support hear your words…

    Posted by cindy womble | February 1, 2011, 11:56 pm
    • LOVED this!!! OMG!!! You touched it EXACTLY!!! Thank you for doing what you do!!! This speaks directly to the heart of the hurting. If others could only grasp these simple concepts it would make life so much easier on those who either suffe…r within a current abusive relationship or those who have been victimized at some point in their lives.

      Sometimes people mean well… but… they have no idea the pain they inflict when trying to give comfort. Girl… you reeeeallly should write on this subject… oh wait… you do…lol

      Posted by sanekablue | February 10, 2011, 6:57 pm

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: LIVING NEXT DOOR TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? « CAROLYN S. HENNECY-Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Awareness - November 4, 2011

  2. Pingback: ABUSED? A CHANGE IS GONNA COME. « CAROLYN S. HENNECY - March 5, 2011

  3. Pingback: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – IS GOD PUNISHING ME? « CAROLYN S. HENNECY - February 12, 2011

  4. Pingback: Nostradamus Prophecies - Nostradamus Future Predictions - February 5, 2011

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

CALENDAR-Browse the archives

January 2011
S M T W T F S
« Dec   Feb »
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  

View Carolyn’s story on ABC

Click here to view Carolyn's story on ABC

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 37 other followers

%d bloggers like this: