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Who would have thought the little girl who grew up here would become a DV victim?

The Florida Attorney General’s Statewide Domestic Violence Fatality Review Team, in their report issued January 2011 found that “in 37% of domestic violence fatalities, family members, friends, co-workers and others were aware domestic violence was occurring.” In simpler terms, for every 3 women, men or children who die as the result of domestic violence, one died with others knowing they were being threatened, abused, battered, beaten, or in grave danger. Some of these may have been a murder/suicide. Far too often the aggressor kills the victim, or the children (or both) before taking their own life.

 This statistic does not say the family members, friends, co-workers or others suspected domestic violence was occurring, it says they were aware. They had knowledge it was taking place. I’m sure many were frustrated in their attempts to reach out to the victim, trying to convince them to get to a safer place in life. It’s so exasperating to try to reach someone who is trapped in domestic violence, and yet they won’t leave. I know. At one time I was the trapped one, and my dear sweet mother did all in her power to convince me to leave. Far too often a victim just simply does not perceive leaving as an alternative or option. I did not leave until it became dangerously physical. I finally got it. Staying could cost me my life, and quite possibly the lives of my children. That’s when I decided to leave.

 Are you aware of a friend, family member or co-worker who is being abused? Do you know what to do? Do you know what to say, or even how to approach the subject?

 Here’s what you don’t do: You do not say, “Why don’t you just leave?” or “He is such a jerk,” or “Why do you put up with this?” As insane as it may seem, it is common for a victim to come to their abuser’s defense. And they are usually humiliated to find out someone suspects what they have been living in for far too long. They may desperately continue to try to hide it. For me, I did not want to admit what a stupid mistake I had made. That was my mindset. Now I realize I made a poor choice based on prior life circumstances, fear and intimidation.

 Some things you can do to help are to simply say, “Hey, if you ever want to talk, I’m here.” Ask the victim if they will establish a code word with you. If they ever toss it out in conversation, they can rest assured you know they are in trouble, and you can get them help. Know the National and your State’s domestic violence hotline numbers. Here in Florida it is 800-500-1119. Contact a local shelter or organization that helps victims of domestic violence. See if they have a brochure you can share with the victim. Ask them if they have staff available to meet with the victim to help with the preparation of a safety/exit plan. And never force the issue, simply make suggestions. But, know what options are available in your area. Most important of all, we go right back to, “Hey, if you ever want to talk…”

 Simply speaking up with reassurance could save a life. Don’t be that part of the 37% who stands idly by doing and saying nothing, and the day comes when you see a television crew, along with the yellow crime scene tape, outside your neighbor’s house. Don’t be the neighbor interviewed who says, “Well, I knew something wasn’t quite right, but…” as the body is rolled past you.

 Carolyn is an advocate for sexual/domestic violence and assault awareness, also focusing on child sexual abuse. She is a Victim Support & Empowerment Coach, working with victims and survivors of molestation, sexual assault, domestic violence or spousal abuse, bringing information and awareness to organizations seeking to properly help and support victims. Hear various interviews at the Broadcasts page of her website: orangeblossomwishes.com.


About Carolyn S. Hennecy

Carolyn S. Hennecy - a/k/a southern blonde traveling with sense of humor and a passion for cheesecake, known to be heard several times a day declaring, "JUST PEACHY!" Advocate for domestic violence awareness; member of Sexual Violence Task Force of Tampa Bay Speakers Bureau; spokesperson for American Heart Association; motivational and inspirational speaker; Author of ORANGE BLOSSOM WISHES: Child Molested, Woman Abused - Her Victorious Journey to Freedom (Carolyn's memoirs), she will be featured on the ABC Action News (WFTS Tampa) Emmy award winning primetime special "Taking Action Against Domestic Violence" scheduled to air Friday, October 14, 2011 at 8:00 p.m.



  1. I’m extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the structure to your blog. Is this a paid subject matter or did you customize it your self? Anyway keep up the excellent high quality writing, it’s rare to look a nice blog like this one these days..

    Posted by Ugg Adirondack Boots | November 19, 2011, 10:30 am
  2. Carolyn thanks so much for sharing – too many people just do not speak up. I certainly hope you and everyone on here will take advantage of joining The Forum@IM-SAFE a new on line community for women and spread word even further. The new on line community for women can be found at http://forum.im-safe.com

    Dennis Golden CEO
    Keeping Women And Those They Love Safe®

    Posted by Dennis Golden | November 17, 2011, 1:21 pm
  3. You can certainly see your enthusiasm within the paintings you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers such as you who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe. At all times follow your heart.

    Posted by Cyber Law | November 15, 2011, 11:37 pm
  4. Heya i am for the first time here. I found this board and I in finding It truly helpful & it helped me out much. I am hoping to give something again and help others like you helped me.

    Posted by Criminal Law | November 15, 2011, 9:41 pm
  5. Carolyn, what a wonderful article. This is so true, if a person has someone to talk to or watch out for them, they have a greater chance of survival. I only wish someone would have been there for me when I was going thought my problems. My mom said, oh he won’t do it again, go on back, my dad said, maybe you deserved it. People are becoming more aware of this problem & YOU are the reason. Thank you..

    Posted by Jane Schutte Cooper | November 11, 2011, 5:06 pm


  1. Pingback: HER SON BEATS HIS PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND « Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence - December 4, 2011

  2. Pingback: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – WHY DO I NEED AN EXIT PLAN IF I’M NOT READY TO LEAVE? « CAROLYN S. HENNECY-Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Awareness - November 20, 2011

  3. Pingback: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE—VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE ARE PROGRESSIVE « CAROLYN S. HENNECY-Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Awareness - November 18, 2011

  4. Pingback: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE—How Did I Get Into Another Abusive Relationship?—Part 2 « CAROLYN S. HENNECY-Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Awareness - November 16, 2011

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November 2011

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